High Aspirations, Moderate Expectations

When you love someone, care about someone, it's only natural to have expectations for them. You want the best for them, or your idea of what's best at least. And being on the other side, if you care about someone, you want to live up to their expectations. You want to please them, make them proud. There's nothing wrong with that except eventually you stop living for yourself and start living for others.

When is it okay to stop? For me, as soon as the thought of it crosses my mind, the guilt begins to consume me. If I start making decisions just for myself, with no consideration to the ones I love, am I not being selfish?

A good friend once said to me that the best relationships are those where you don't want anything from each other, don't expect anything. It's when you're there to simply talk, listen, and be there for each other, nothing more. No expectations, no judgement. That's when you can be yourself and accept each other for who you truly are.



Live your life. Whether it's for yourself or others, that's your decision.

Also, because we're only hours from New Years Eve, it only makes sense for me to at least mention it. Call me crazy, but I'm not big on this whole New Years thing, never have been. If you want change, it comes everyday. Resolutions, reflections, it happens everyday. You don't have to wait for the year to end and a new one to begin for all that. But I have learned a lot this year and grown tremendously. I'm hoping to learn, grow, and experience even more in 2011.



I've already decided that this year will be a good year.

In the Head, In the Heart

You would assume that everyone knows what they want in life, but the thing is, we don't. Ideas and reality are two different things. You can think up the most perfect recipe in our head, but when you try it for real, it can end up being the complete opposite of what you imagined. The same goes for people.

We believe that we know what things we want and what kind of people we like to surround ourselves with. We know what characteristics we like in people, what we admire, and what we despise. With these ideas, we end up making some sort of criteria in our heads, similar to a check list. And when someone doesn't fit that criteria, we tend to write them off. Well, nothing can happen with this person because they aren't this, or they don't have this, etc.

Ever think to look outside that box? To give someone different a chance? Give them a chance to prove you wrong? I'm guilty of not giving those people chances. However, now speaking from experience, what you least thought you wanted can end up being exactly what you were looking for. Open your eyes and heart, and give your brain a rest every once in a while. Just because something makes sense in your head, doesn't mean it will appeal to your heart, and vice versa.


Give people the opportunity to surprise you. You never know what they could have in store.

Lost the Love I Loved the Most

Angry, upset, disappointed. Some of the worst feelings, all at once.




I'm an optimist. I haven't had the perfect life, trust me, but somehow I've managed to make the best out of the situations I have found myself in. Similarly, I also tend to find the good in people. I manage to trust most people, even the ones that don't deserve it. In the end, trust yourself, and only yourself. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, most people are merely looking out for themselves. Everyone has their own motives. You are responsible for your actions and decisions; you're the one that will have to live with the consequences. No one else. It's really easy to blame everyone except yourself and find excuses in an attempt to justify yourself. It's even easier to completely avoid the situation as a whole, but it's when you are able to take responsibility for what happened that you can truly be respected.

Also, it's important to reconsider the positions of those select few who are placed on pedestals. Those people that can never do wrong. The ones that are not capable of causing harm. The ones that would never do anything to hurt you. Don't forget, they are human, after all. Even they are capable of making mistakes, all of which are not worthy of forgiveness.





In the end, it's not about what you do. What's more important is how you handle yourself after the fact. Believe it or not, that makes all the difference.



"May the bridges I burn light the way."

Perfection is a Flaw

As I was trying to find the right beads to make jewelry, I realized that it's the flawed ones that I'm more attracted to. The ones that are a bit damaged, those are the ones that are truly unique.

Isn't that how people are too? Not that anyone is perfect, but just the thought of a perfect person annoys me. Perfection is boring. It's frustrating. Just like the beads, our flaws are what make us unique. They make us lovable, approachable. Everyone just needs to accept themselves, for what they are, the good and the bad. Only then can we expect to be accepted by others.

People try to hide their imperfections in order to blend in, to be "normal", to be accepted, to be like everyone else out there.I hate seeing people pretending to be something else just for others. Hate is a strong word, I know. And it's also true that we all strive for acceptance, but is the acceptance really worth it if you can't even be yourself? And if everyone was perfect, we would all be the same. What's the fun in that?

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must be unique."

Barely Breathing

So this blog of mine has turned out to be quite inspirational. It wasn't really meant to be. I guess I have the gift of making things sound better as I write about them, which is probably why writing is therapeutic to me. But let's take a break from what everyone wants to hear and dig a little deeper into reality.

The truth is, life is unfair. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Good people are put in bad situations, while the worst of us are in the best of situations. The happiest of families fall apart. The closest relationships drift apart. The strongest bonds are broken, and the most genuine feelings are shattered. The youngest of us have been through too much. We don't always get what we deserve, what's rightfully ours. Tears will not stop flowing from the eyes of the "happiest" of us. The most ambitious lose focus. The simplest form of communication seems impossible. The most hopeful lose faith. The most loved leave. We turn into the people we despise most, and history has an ugly way of repeating itself. We like to think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. But if the continuous rain becomes stubborn, eventually, we'll stop expecting the sun. However, if during the storm, you're lucky enough to have someone to share it with, that makes all the difference. If you're fortunate enough to share a brief moment in complete silence, knowing exactly what the other is feeling without spoken words, maybe that moment makes everything just a little bit better.




And no matter how hopeless things may seem, we'll hope for a better day tomorrow, because things can only get so much worse. We'll hope for a better day tomorrow, because we deserve it. (And there I go with the inspirational bullshit again, right? Wrong. Because we really do deserve it.)

Never Mine to Hold

Honestly, I haven't been content in a very, very long time. There is always something going wrong, something missing. They say that happiness is being able to look through the imperfections. However, some things are pretty damn hard to ignore. But it's also true that lately, I have had some small moments of true happiness and peace within myself. Those aren't always easy to come by. Anything from going to Jamatkhana (place of worship for Ismaili Muslims) to a nice lunch with the best friend. The simpler things I suppose.



Moments where I have felt comfortable, secure. Safe in the arms of someone I care about who I know cares about me just as much. I'm a thinker, an analyzer. I like tags, labels, and clear-cut definitions. Unfortunately, life isn't all black and white or right and wrong. It's about what's right for you, what's right at the time, what makes you happy. And all you can do is go with the flow and hope that slight feeling of happiness or contentment lasts.



A wise person once said to me that there are certain people who we never really lose feelings for. We just forget about the feelings, but as that person works their way back into our lives, the feelings do as well. Sounds accurate. Perhaps, they never really go away, they just get buried under newer thoughts, feelings, and distractions. Who knows.

Walking in the Rain

Nothing like a rainy day to get you thinking, huh?


It's important not to lose sight of the future. Our actions now will effect how our lives become later. People like to think that everything will be okay, it's a good thought. No matter what happens, people can get by. However, there is a difference between getting by and getting what you want. Motivation comes from inside. Isn't it our own desires that drive us? No one else can motivate you other than yourself. No matter what happens or what the circumstances are, if you really truly want something, you'll find a way to make it happen. Don't let anyone or anything distract you from your goals. Once distracted, it's really hard to get back on track. That's not to say that life can't have a different plan in store or if someone is going on a different path, they must be wrong. Just remember what's important.




On a completely different note,
Don't you hate it when you want to say something but just can't seem to find a way to get it out? I sure do. It's usually the unspoken thoughts and feelings that are the most important to express. That's why it's difficult. Life doesn't make anything easy. Ignoring an issue does not solve it. Confronting leads to solving it, or at least acknowledging that there is an issue. Confrontation sounds harsh and aggressive, but it doesn't have to be that way. Unfortunately, even the most talkative of us get scared to say the things worth saying. If you care enough, speak up. I cared, so I spoke. Whether it makes a difference or not, at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried rather than simply sitting back and worrying silently.



Hate to see you leave. (One of the workers at Publix was saying that to every customer after ringing them up, and it resonated with me. Hm I just might start using that)

Great is Any Confusion

You always want what you can't have.

True. It's one of those statements that is widely accepted, and everyone has experienced it at some point in their lives. When something or someone is out of our reach, we seem to want it, need it. Likewise, when something or someone suddenly becomes accessible, the desire fades. Is it because we desire the chase and not the actual person themselves? Or perhaps we never wanted it in the first place; we just liked the idea of it all. Either way, it's annoying. I'm left questioning my feelings with absolutely no idea what I want.

It's funny how the turn of events on a typical day can lead you second guessing what until that point would have seemed to be nothing less than perfect. But then again, perfection is a flaw, and it's always too good to be true.



This is how I feel at the moment, and I'm not a big fan of math. Needless to say, my head is a terrible place to be.

Failure

"There is no failure except in no longer trying."

How many times have we all heard that before? Although I completely agree with this statement. I recently discovered that there is another kind of failure. That is to not give something your all, to not try your best. Let me tell you, that's the worst feeling. To fail, but knowing that I could have done so much better. To know that there is no one to blame but myself. If I had failed giving it my best try, there would be no regrets, no failure.

It's pretty weird how long it has taken me to figure this out. I guess it's because I usually give my best in everything I do. There have been times that I haven't, but those have also been the times that I have somehow gotten by.
Wake up call: it doesn't work that way anymore. Call it the real world or even growing up. There is no more just getting by, no more slacking.

Although I feel badly, it is also true that..
"To be wrong is nothing unless you continue to remember it." -Confucius
I will remember this but only to remind myself that I need give my best, no matter what. I will be sure to remember this tomorrow as I embark on yet another adventure. Wish me luck.



Our failures lead us to the road of success.

Guilty As Charged

If loving fashion is a crime, I plead guilty.

To most people, it might seem like nothing less than crazy to think about outfits, clothes, and jewelry constantly. It is somewhat obsessive to sit in class thinking about what you are going to wear the next day instead of actually paying attention or thinking about which top will go best with the cute little skirt you just bought instead of listening to your best friend’s urgent story. Although this is what happens to me, even I have always found it crazy. Why the constant thoughts about something that many people do not even put any thought in to? And then I realized the importance of those perfect-fitting jeans or that little black dress.



When all else fails, when everything seems to be going wrong, when everyone seems to be letting you down, clothes do not. They do not change, and they are always there. They are a way to get noticed, a way to get attention. They give you that much-needed self-esteem boost. They give you confidence, and maybe even enough to go talk the cutie that has been catching your eye lately. When I am down, instead of bumming out, I wear a cute little dress, and somehow, it makes me feel just a tad bit better. Even if I may not be feeling good, at least I know that I am looking good. And the fact is, no matter where you are going or who you might be going with, you never know who you might run in to. Call it fate, destiny, or luck, but there is always something unexpected in store for us all. Since you never know who you could stumble upon, you might as well stumble looking your best. Everyone has something that makes them feel just a little bit better, and although it might seem insane, that is what clothes and accessories do for me. So I might fail my classes, because all I am really doing is trying to think of outfits for the rest of the week, but hey, at least I will fail looking good.

"Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times. " Betsey Johnson

A Closed Heart

Everyone goes through tough times, some worst than others, but everyone handles things differently. After certain situations, events, or circumstances, some people still manage to see the best in others and expect the best, regardless of what they have been through in the past. Meanwhile, others push everyone away and begin to expect the worst. Both have pros and cons, I suppose. Yes, it's always good to stay optimistic and hope for the best. However, there is a difference between optimism and plain stupidity. People are good and will never disappoint us. It's a good thought. Realistically speaking, there are people that will be out to hurt others, people that only think of themselves. But no matter how many of those you encounter and no matter what happens, you can't lose hope in all mankind. Don't push people away. Don't stop giving people chances. It wouldn't be fair to those who come in your life at a bad time. They could be the best people you might ever come across. Don't close your heart.

I'm speaking from experience. I think that's what I've done. It took me a while to realize this, but I have shut people out, eliminating the slight chance that they could hurt me. I've realized that no matter what you do to protect yourself, those efforts themselves will end up hurting you, just a different kind of hurt, a different pain. Alienating yourself won't do you any good either. If anything, you'll just miss out on the good stuff. So although the people that are considered stupid or naive might get hurt, I envy their ability to open themselves up to new people and situations with no hesitation. Time to open up the heart again. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Let life happen to you. Isn't the point to enjoy everyone moment?

The Little Things

Aren't the little things what make life worth living? Isn't it the little things that add beauty to our days? Not because it sounds good or that's what everyone says, but because it's true.

Simple i miss yous, big hugs, sincere compliments, and have a great day texts from your best friend. Something as minute as your mom randomly getting 5 big cans of Arizona just because she knows you like it or a friend going out of their way to come help you when you're in trouble. Moments like that are what make you realize why you have certain people in your life. They remind you why certain people are so incredibly important. Similarly, awkward encounters, nothing major, just shady vibes can make you re-evaluate certain people. Meanwhile, cute, interesting, different encounters can leave you with lasting impressions. Impressions that lead you wondering how that person is doing or still wanting to get to know them better weeks or even months later.

The little things people say are also the most memorable. I forget the important things but somehow manage to remember the little things people say. I always feel like a loser because I feel like there is no way any one else still remembers the conversations or comments that are so fresh in my memory.

Simple things like sitting at home watching movies all night or spending hours at Starbucks talking. Whether we realize it or not, it's the little things in life, the simple moments that make all the difference, even if they go unnoticed or unappreciated at times. They make it all worth it.

Return to sanity

I realize that I haven't updated in a while. I'm not sure if that's due to the lack of inspiration or the overwhelming abundance of things going on in my head.

I tend to go through phases in my life. I go through phases with my makeup. One day, I'm into eyeliner and the next day I'm all about eyeshadow. I go through phases with my jewelry. I'm either really into earrings or necklaces or rings. My recent phase has been my "me time". No, I'm not being anti-social. There is just so much that I want to change and so much that I want to do, and I guess I've been contemplating on how to achieve all of it.

I am a confident person, but I've been doubting myself a lot lately. I realize that this needs to change. I also tend to think too much. I need to stop thinking so much and just go for things. I'm taking the start of this next school year (starting Monday) as a new beginning. I have a lot I want to do this year. It's gonna be a busy year to say the least. But I'm ready for it, and not only ready, but excited. I will be trying new things, putting myself out of my comfort zone, and hopefully learning from it all and becoming a better person.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." -Neale Donald Walsch







Oh, another phase of mine has been making jewelry. It's on and off too. Last night, I got the urge to make a few necklaces randomly. Perhaps my lack of writing caused me to resort to some other form of expression.









One of the necklaces I made last night. Like it?

Forget Regret

I messed up. I can't go back in time, I can't change the past, so all I can do is learn from it, right? We've all heard the phrase learn from your mistakes.It's completely cliché and absolutely right.

However, what we fail to realize most of the time is that the mistakes we make do not only effect us. Our actions effect everyone around us. Every one makes mistakes. No one is perfect. We're only human. Things are bound to go wrong and every once in a while, we make stupid decisions, some more often than others. I tend to mess up a lot. I learn from it, but if those stupid decisions effect the people I care about, it kills me. I hate knowing that I caused someone pain or worry. I guess that guilt is necessary in order to ensure that I do not make the same mistakes again.

But it would be wrong to wish that some things had never happened, because that's how we learn.

Perhaps certain situations are necessary to each of us. Another cliché saying, "everything happens for a reason." Maybe we find ourselves in certain situations because the lessons we learn from them are valuable to us at the time. They are lessons that need to be learned, things we should know. And maybe these lessons save us from an even greater mistake.

Experiences, good or bad, make us who we are and influence the people we become. It's how we grow.

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery" -James Joyce

Lose Control

Why do people have the need to control everything? Why are we given the impression that we have control over it all? Cause really, we don't. Everything is not as easy as just taking a pill, which surprisingly is not all that easy for me.

I've recently realized that sometimes not being in control can be the most beautiful. As long as I know that I've tried my best or done as much as I can, I'm content. The rest is not up to me. Whether things work out or not, at least I won't look back and blame myself for any regrets. Things don't usually turn out the way I expect them to anyway, but at least I won't wonder what if. I don't like what-ifs. Well, what if I had done this? What if I had said that? Take charge of your life, but at the same time, there is only so much each of us can do. Take advantage of what you do have control over, and learn to let go of the rest. Let life happen to you. We have control over our actions. It's important to do and say whatever is on your mind regardless of anyone else's judgments or societal norms. Don't hold yourself back. Also, don't let your pride get in the way of something you want.


Does it really matter who did something first or who said something first? We spend so much time waiting for someone else to initiate the things we desire. Who cares. In the end, you are going to be the person regretting not making that phone call or not giving that person a chance.

I'm definitely a thinker. I think too much and over-analyze everything, but I'm trying to change. If something feels right, it probably is.

Escape

We all put up walls, some are just taller or sturdier than others. It's a way to protect ourselves from emotional distress. If we don't let people in, they won't have the power to hurt us. It's really that simple. It's easier to not give a shit, because if we care, we could get hurt. So what is it about certain people that makes us care? It could be people that we don't know very well, but there's just something about them, something that makes us want to believe that they could be the exception. Are there really any exceptions, though? And the mere fact that we even remotely care enough to even be thinking about all of this is scary. It's absolutely terrifying to put yourself out there. But at times, it is necessary. Some people just get to us no matter how much we try to avoid it or don't want to admit it. We end up doing things we never thought we would. We break our own rules. That's the beauty of it. It's amazing that someone can even have that kind of affect on you. In that case, there's no harm in giving it a shot right? Who knows what that one chance, that one exception could lead up to. Sometimes, we need to stop analyzing everything and worrying about what people might think and just trust our feelings. Sometimes, it's better to use the ladder to escape what we, ourselves, have built. Escape from all the thoughts and worries, and do whatever it is that you want to do.

Zendagi Migzara

Life Goes On.

Change is so unpredictable. It is necessary, and yet at times, it seems like the worst thing that can happen. You just have to learn to deal with it, I guess. Because no matter what happens, life goes on. So, we need to stop dwelling on the past. I think that's what I need to work on. I need to stop dwelling on the past. Things just always seem better when I'm looking back at them. I tend to remember all the good stuff but neglect the bad that came with it. I can't live in the past. It's time to move on.



However, this does not mean that I will completely disregard the past. I would not be the person I am without the choices that I have made and the situations I have been through. Or as Eleanor Roosevelt said,

"I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday."

A big part of moving on is leaving certain people behind. That's the most difficult, especially when someone was once a big part of your life. But we all have to realize that things change, and no matter what you do, you can't hold that person back, especially when they don't want you to. No matter what happens, certain people just mean a lot to us, whether we like it or not.

If someone has been with us through tough times, we tend to associate them with happiness or a way to get away from everything. And we try to keep them around for that reason alone. At the same time, we try to leave people behind because we are afraid of getting stuck in the past. Truth is, sometimes we need the heroes of our past to play just a small, insignificant role in our present. Talking to them everyone once in a while or even seeing them provides us with the comfort and security that we all seek. Whether these people remain in our lives or not, the memories will forever remain with us.

Priorities

There is beauty all around us, we just get so caught up in our lives whether it's with school, work, or whatever else we may have going on at the time, that we don't even get the chance to notice it. Take a look outside: trees, flowers, the sky, just to name a few. We don't get the chance to enjoy the world around us. It can be something as simple as going to a park and having a picnic. We all live busy lives, and sometimes it is really difficult to make time, but it is possible.

It's also really important to find that balance between school, work, friends, family, and your own personal alone time. Why is it that when we have to pick, we usually end up picking any of the above over spending time with the family?

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." -Paul Pearshall

So, this summer I have made it a priority to do simple things in nature, such as going to a lake or even going swimming in the middle of the night, as well as spending time with my family. My mom and brother are honestly my world.

Summer highlights so far:

Zip lining in North Carolina with my cousins. My cousins and I take an annual white water rafting trip which I always look forward to, but this year, we decided to embark on a new adventure. It was so much fun! I was harnessed to a cord in the middle of the woods and mountains, and I glided from one end of the zip to the other. The place we went to had a couple of zips overlooking the river. I basically flew over Pigeon River at 35mph, and needless to say, the view was nothing less than amazing.







Yes, that's me.











Savannah with my mom and her bffs. We spent two days at the beach just chillin, relaxin, and enjoying the water, sand, and seafood. My entire face got sunburned, and I'm a few shades darker, but I would say it was worth it. Not only do I love the beach, or water in general, but I love my mom and how close we have gotten. There's a level of respect and authority that she will always maintain as my mother, but at the same time, she is my best friend. I wouldn't trade quality time with her for anything.








Isn't she gorgeous?!









Also, I started this blog mostly just for myself and my writing, but I have gotten a lot of feedback. I'm glad a lot of people have been reading it and liking it. Whether you like something or hate something, let me know. I'm open to suggestions and would love to hear your thoughts. :)

The More You Judge, The Less You Love

"Don't judge a book by it's cover."

It's a good thought, but isn't it impossible though? We all judge. No matter of how good of a person you are, no matter how much you don't want to, it happens. It's a part of human nature. We judge people based on what we have heard about them. We judge people on how they dress, walk, talk, act. I honestly wish I had the ability to not judge, because although sometimes our first opinions about a person can be accurate, most of the time they are far from it. A friend and I were talking today about judging others and how we want to make a conscious effort to stop.


and no one is perfect, so who are we to judge anyone else? There are probably a million things wrong with me, and honestly sometimes I'm surprised that people are able to put up with me. I can be annoying, frustrating, and extremely stubborn. I know these are things I need to work on. But we all have at least a few unattractive qualities, some just find it more difficult to admit them. Since we are all far from perfect, we can't we can't expect others to be perfect. We can't judge anyone, because no matter how well you know someone, you don't know exactly what they are going through. And we can't judge people based on their past, because we're all constantly growing and changing. Everyone makes mistakes.

We all make assumptions based on what we see or hear, but the important thing is to not let these these assumptions affect the way we treat people. We must let go of these first impressions, and give the person a fair chance. Get to know them, and you'll probably be surprised by what you find.

Similarly, we all get judged as well. We can't let what other people say or think get to us. What matters is what we think of ourselves. As long as we like the person looking back at us in the mirror, nothing else matters.



Everyone is beautiful. There is beauty everywhere in everyone and everything. All you have to do is look.

Friends Forever or Friends For Now?

My life has changed drastically over the past couple of years. I've learned a lot, matured, and grown up. The sad part is, many of the people that I thought would be in my life forever, or at least for a very long time, no longer are. We're all constantly changing, so it seems utterly impossible to expect others to keep up. There are certain friends that will be by your side throughout your life, and I have been lucky enough to find a couple of those. I guess those are the ones that are changing and growing with me, while others either get stuck or move toward the opposite direction.

Are we just supposed to accept that things change and let go or should we try to keep them in our lives?

I recently spent time with a couple of friends who I went from seeing almost every single day to not seeing at all for about a year. I used to consider them some of my best friends until the drama kicked in. I figured we would eventually fix things, but it never happened. When I hung out with them recently, it was nice. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were, but it's nice to be cool again, to be able to hang out, and just talk. There's always a certain comfort level you have with some people, no matter what happens. At the same time, trying to rekindle friendships can go very wrong. Sometimes, things are just weird and awkward, and you realize that it's not easy to forget everything that happened.

I guess everyone isn't worth the effort. There are certain people that we just need to let go of, while there are others that we need to keep around. The difficult part is knowing which one is which.



Speaking of friendship, a really good friend of mine basically made my day by telling me what she thinks about me as a person. I try to the best person I can be, and if I can make the slightest difference in someone's life, that means the world to me.

"Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives that we touch" -Remember Me

Relationship Status: Happy

Worst date? Would it be the one where there was absolutely no conversation ever and as soon as the movie was over, your date asked you where you parked? Without offering to go eat or walk around and talk. Or perhaps the one where your date wouldn't stop trying to kiss you no matter how many times you backed away? Believe it or not, these are true stories, real dates that I have experienced. And people wonder why I'm single.

My friends and I seem to talk about relationships a lot. We're all around the same age, yet we all have different outlooks on dating and relationships. I have those friends that go from one serious, long-term relationship to another, thinking that they are going to marry the person they are with. I have those friends that are out to find that fairy-tale type of love. I have those friends that always seem to need someone and the ones that are unable to comprehend the idea of commitment. And then there's me.

I get terrified by the idea of just being with that one person. And most importantly, as bad as this may sound, I GET BORED. So bored, so easily. I can't seem to even get through the talking or dating part, before getting to the actual relationship. It's actually quite frustrating. I'm also picky. I don't want to settle for less though. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-relationship or anything. I'm just not trying to rush anything. It'll happen when it's supposed to. So until I find someone I like being with who doesn't bore me to death, I'm happy being single.

In the end, we all want the same thing. We want to be with someone that makes us happy, someone that gets us, someone that completes us. The only difference is how we get there and when we're ready for it. No matter how we feel about relationships, when we meet the right person, or the right person for now, it all goes down the drain. We just want to be happy. Some of us are happy being single, and others just need to have that special someone. But as long as you're happy, isn't that all that matters?



One tip though: Don't give your date a one arm side hug.

Time doesn't heal everything

Father's day. This has to be one of the most difficult days of the year.

People say it will get better with time. Yeah, well, people also lie. I've realized that dealing with loss only gets harder with time. At first, I was in a state of shock. I was numb. My mind, body, heart, everything was numb. Everything. My mind refused to register what was going on around me. So, I kept telling myself it was all a dream, and I will wake up soon. The truth is, two years later, I am still trying to convince myself that it is a dream and I'll wake up soon. The only difference is that I'm no longer numb. I can now feel the pain. I think I'd rather just be numb.

Sorry to be such a downer. It is a beautiful day. Those of you that are fortunate enough to spend it with your fathers, enjoy it, and don't take any second for granted.


Happy Father's Day.

I am a writer. Are you?

I just started summer classes. They are horrifically long and terrifyingly boring. In about six hours of class time, there was one thing I found interesting.
This video: http://ncow.org/browse/video/who/who_is_writer.html

The video shows people from different backgrounds, different ages, and different careers answering questions about writing. What is writing? It's funny how such a clear and straight-forward question can have so many interpretations. Writing can consist of anything from novels to simple to-do lists or emails. What's even more amazing is how writing can affect us.

To me, writing is everything from expression to therapy. I seem to express myself the most clearly through writing. Somehow, my thoughts just seem to flow onto paper. I love journalism. I love writing essays for class. Weird, I know, but I would rather write an essay than take a test. I love writing on Facebook walls, well I at least try to respond. I love writing random notes to friends. I love making personalized cards and writing cute messages on them. It's more personal that way. But most of all, I love writing for myself. It helps me get my thoughts together, which is pretty important considering i'm confused about something or another most of the time. It keeps me sane. I guess some things are easier to put on paper than to say out loud. I love to write. I guess that's why I'm here.

I'll update as often as I can with random thoughts and happenings. I haven't really blogged before, so this should be interesting.

"Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals." -Don Delillo