Playing with Fire

What do you do when the thing you desire most is the same thing that has proven to be catastrophic? It must be avoided at all costs or you'll find yourself playing with fire. After moving forward, why regress to the harmful?

You find the universe leading you to follow your heart. Continuous signs tease you with what you can no longer have. Is it a test, a chance to prove your progress, or a sincere form of permission to let go of your inhibitions?

You begin to question your motives, intentions, feelings, everything. Is this the average case of wanting what you can't have? Perhaps, it's the obvious act of self-destruction. The distractions that seemed to occupy your mind, and possibly even your heart, not too long ago no longer seem to satisfy you. Thus proving that they were, in fact, mere distractions and nothing more. You begin to question each thought, each emotion, in an attempt to differentiate illusions from reality.

You ignore the signs for as long as possible. What are "signs" anyway? Don't they just hold as much significance as you allow them to? Seeing that car on the road meant nothing to you until you started dating and eventually broke up with an owner of one. To an extent, we see what we want to see and avoid what we can't bear to face.

So, you convince yourself that this is nothing more than a series of continuous coincidences. Continue on with your duties and responsibilities as usual. Divert your attention with anything and everything possible. Remind yourself of the previous destruction that no longer seems as horrible as it once did. Do it all yet do nothing until you reach the point when your feelings will finally surpass all possible rationale. The point when you finally decide to follow your heart, risking everything in the process.

"And it was in that moment that I realized that no matter what would be said or left unsaid, this wasn't the end. There has to be much more to this story."

Wrecking and Ruining

As people, we're always evolving. They say that life isn't about finding yourself, but rather creating yourself. But what happens when you start losing sight of yourself?

You know who you are. You know your desires, passions, hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes. You know yourself. Yet, your decisions are no longer a reflection of your personality. When your actions no longer reflect your values and beliefs. When you lose connection with the people and things that once mattered most. When you just don't feel the way you once did. Yet you continue to fulfill your daily responsibilities, so you fail to see it happening.

It's almost like walking around broken, living life halfway, yet no one can see it. Only the closest dear ones can sense the change, yet only you can fix it.

Such drastic changes usually occur after a traumatizing event. But what if it suddenly catches up to you years later? Could it have been the stress of everything? Or rather the pressure of always holding it together? Perhaps it was the unresolved issues from the past resurfacing.

Either way, change is necessary. Here's to returning priority to the people and things that matter and avoiding the harmful.

Walking in the Rain

Nothing like a rainy day to get you thinking, huh?


It's important not to lose sight of the future. Our actions now will effect how our lives become later. People like to think that everything will be okay, it's a good thought. No matter what happens, people can get by. However, there is a difference between getting by and getting what you want. Motivation comes from inside. Isn't it our own desires that drive us? No one else can motivate you other than yourself. No matter what happens or what the circumstances are, if you really truly want something, you'll find a way to make it happen. Don't let anyone or anything distract you from your goals. Once distracted, it's really hard to get back on track. That's not to say that life can't have a different plan in store or if someone is going on a different path, they must be wrong. Just remember what's important.




On a completely different note,
Don't you hate it when you want to say something but just can't seem to find a way to get it out? I sure do. It's usually the unspoken thoughts and feelings that are the most important to express. That's why it's difficult. Life doesn't make anything easy. Ignoring an issue does not solve it. Confronting leads to solving it, or at least acknowledging that there is an issue. Confrontation sounds harsh and aggressive, but it doesn't have to be that way. Unfortunately, even the most talkative of us get scared to say the things worth saying. If you care enough, speak up. I cared, so I spoke. Whether it makes a difference or not, at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried rather than simply sitting back and worrying silently.



Hate to see you leave. (One of the workers at Publix was saying that to every customer after ringing them up, and it resonated with me. Hm I just might start using that)

Great is Any Confusion

You always want what you can't have.

True. It's one of those statements that is widely accepted, and everyone has experienced it at some point in their lives. When something or someone is out of our reach, we seem to want it, need it. Likewise, when something or someone suddenly becomes accessible, the desire fades. Is it because we desire the chase and not the actual person themselves? Or perhaps we never wanted it in the first place; we just liked the idea of it all. Either way, it's annoying. I'm left questioning my feelings with absolutely no idea what I want.

It's funny how the turn of events on a typical day can lead you second guessing what until that point would have seemed to be nothing less than perfect. But then again, perfection is a flaw, and it's always too good to be true.



This is how I feel at the moment, and I'm not a big fan of math. Needless to say, my head is a terrible place to be.