When All is Crumbling

As I sit here attempting to transform my thoughts into something more tangible, I can feel my relationships crumbling. The ones that were supposed to be unconditional, the ones that were supposed to last forever are now on the brink of desertion. I've transitioned past the denial stage where I tried to convince myself this was temporary, it was just a phase and everything will go back to normal. I lingered there as long as I could, but even that came with a time limit. I've overstayed my welcome, and it's now time to face the facts.

Relationships aren't as simple as sharing your lunch or spending recess together and instantly becoming best friends anymore, and they haven't been that way for a while. They seem to progressively get more and more complicated with each passing day. I've become accustomed to relationships being effortless. Isn't that how they're supposed to be? You get along with someone, laugh at the same jokes and enjoy the same things in life, so why not spend some time together? However as we all grow and progress, everyone chooses their own paths. If you're lucky, you'll travel the journey side by side. If not, maybe your paths may cross at some point. 

Although I've acknowledged it all to be true, I've still expected certain bonds to remain unbreakable. Whether it's blood or shared experiences, there has to be some bond strong enough to keep relationships intact. Just because you're related, does that mean this person can read your mind? Does this mean you'll grow at the same rate? Does this mean you'll have the same interests? Does this mean you'll actually enjoy each other's company? It's preferable, but is it always the case? No. 

At the same time, I've been lucky enough to experience bonds that have survived the pains of time and distance and still remained as strong as ever. With some of the closest people to me at the furthest distance, I can't help but have faith in the idea of it. The idea that love has the capability to conquer all. The idea that love can survive all obstacles. Despite the love interests that I refused to pursue due to those very reasons, my faith in love, despite distance has never been stronger. I now realize that I don't need any further proof.

I understand that I'm arguing both sides of the spectrum and my thoughts are scattered, but I suppose that's the beauty of it. The beauty of accepting that no bond is guaranteed yet seeing the most doubtful ones survive. Knowing that no matter how different your chosen paths in life may be, there are people out there that love you unconditionally, that are willing to help no matter what. 

Yearning to Be Heard

Everything I write is just a fraction of the countless words that are constantly running through my head at any given moment. Sometimes, I wish I had all the time in the world just to release them in a more concrete way. Although writing is the most precise way for me to articulate myself, sometimes you have no other choice but to speak, vent even, and let others know how you feel.

When something is bothering me, when there is an issue or conflict, my first instinct is to talk about it. There is no other way to inform someone about how you feel than to simply tell them. That is also the only way to completely hear the acknowledge the other side, fix things, realize where you stand or even show effort. None of us are mind readers, so it's unfair to assume that any other person can know precisely what you think or how you feel and vice versa without any form of communication.

Agreed that sometimes people and situations need their time and space, too much time can be harmful. If you allow too much time to pass by, is there anything left to discuss? People say that time heals all wounds. Time allows you to move on and in some cases, it can create distance.

One of the main reasons that I have been able to keep up with this blog, other than my love and passion for writing and encouraging followers, is my inability to control my focus. If something is bothering me, it bothers me until I fix it. If there's something I need to say, I will butcher it in my head until I get the opportunity to unleash my words and liberate my thoughts.

Even though this trait usually leads to honesty and conflict resolution, it has a downfall. Communication is a two-way street. If I'm writing, it's so someone will read it. If I'm speaking, I need the other person to listen. Keeping my thoughts to myself isn't always an option but is necessary if others aren't willing to make an effort to hear me out. The frustration attained from the inability to express myself is indescribable. The extent of the distress is able to overpower my mind for days.

They say that actions speak louder than words. However, sometimes hearing what you least wanted to and speaking the most difficult words are necessary. Everything else leaves room for interpretation, room for the possibility that things could be different. And sometimes, the lack of actions speak even louder. The silence can sometimes be just as powerful as the words yearning to be heard.