Even the Wrong Words Seem to Rhyme

Life is funny sometimes. We see others, at their best and worst, and we tell ourselves that we will never be "that girl", "that guy" or "that person". We claim to not be judgmental, but let's get real, we all do it. And before we know it, we find ourselves becoming the person we despised, the person we swore we'd never be.

Sometimes we find ourselves fighting for the things that don't seem to be worth the struggle to anyone else. Other times, we find ourselves trying to ignore the obvious, simply because it conflicts with the perfect vision playing in our heads. We do irrational things that we didn't know we were capable of. In the process, we end up surprising ourselves, but in the end, we realize our worth.

Just as it's not fair to ignore the bad in a person for the good, it also isn't fair to ignore the good because of a few bad decisions. When you spend time with a person, talk to them, get to know them, you get a feel for who they are and what they stand for. You realize how much they could possibly mean to you and whether that's worth putting up with their worst.

They say that when mistakes are repeated, they are no longer considered mistakes but rather a reflection of character; I beg to differ. Some things take longer to set in, and repetition can do the trick. Certain repercussions seem to be more clear the second time around. And when they are repeated, they can no longer be ignored.

Most people end up living in regret- regretting all bad choices and wrong decisions, over-analyzing everything that could have been done differently. But the bad choices only lead to better ones. They help us grow, learn and become better versions of ourselves.

"If you've never fallen, you will never know what it's like to get up."

Beyond Your Form

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of forgiveness. What's more difficult, seeking forgiveness from the ones you care about or finding the ability to forgive yourself?

In the past, I believed that letting loved ones down was the worst feeling. Although it's definitely at the top of the list, I've realized that unless you are able to forgive yourself, forgiveness from others cannot lead to redemption.

So where exactly is the road to redemption? Can it be found with deep prayer, spending time volunteering at a shelter, a good, sweaty workout or a much-needed heart to heart with some dear friends? Or perhaps a powerful combination of it all. Everyone has different things that work for them, but the only way to move on is to find yourself again. Your true self. Your ideal self. Remind yourself of the person you want to be and work to lift yourself up yet again.

Just as it takes effort to progress and become the person you want to be, it takes effort to gain everything you may desire. Much too often, we convince ourselves that if certain things are meant to be, they'll happen. Sometimes the idea of fate or destiny can serve as a sign of hope but other times, they can just be a display of laziness. If you are able to wait for it to come to you, whether this is due to pride or circumstance, you probably don't want it bad enough. This could also be biased, because I'm beyond impatient and waiting around for something to happen drives me crazy. I feel that if you want something bad enough, you'll go out and make it happen.

I live my life in extremes. And as someone who tends to live their day-to-day life nonchalantly, it takes something or someone remarkable to ignite that passion within me. Only because the passion exists; it's just difficult to display it to the whole world constantly.

And as I found someone who seemed to be worth the effort, I kept wondering why so many things keep getting in the way. And I can't help but think it's some sort of practical joke. Life switching around the roles, making me play the field, either to teach me what it feels like to be on the other side of the table or simply helping me realize that this one might be a keeper, this one just might be it.

Then again, there's only so much one person can do. So where's the fine line between showing effort and trying too hard? Yet another question that I'm currently struggling with. Not because I'm extremely invested in the situation, but because I'm not used to being invested at all. Since I've somehow been able to put myself out there and show effort, I'm forced to believe that this must be the real thing. If you want it bad enough, you'll work for it; but at some point, you have to let go for your own sanity. It can't always be all up to you; sometimes handing the power over to someone else proves to be necessary.

"We all have our nights though, don't be so ashamed. I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know. You've seen all my mistakes, so look me in my eyes."

Speaking of mistakes, I think we all do a remarkable job of making mistakes without the help of vicious rumors, hurtful instigation or false embellishment. However, the people that genuinely care will approach you to hear your side of the story. As for the rest, they would have been a waste of breath anyway. At the end of the day, people will believe what they want, but it just goes to show who was on your side to begin with.

"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."

Failure

"There is no failure except in no longer trying."

How many times have we all heard that before? Although I completely agree with this statement. I recently discovered that there is another kind of failure. That is to not give something your all, to not try your best. Let me tell you, that's the worst feeling. To fail, but knowing that I could have done so much better. To know that there is no one to blame but myself. If I had failed giving it my best try, there would be no regrets, no failure.

It's pretty weird how long it has taken me to figure this out. I guess it's because I usually give my best in everything I do. There have been times that I haven't, but those have also been the times that I have somehow gotten by.
Wake up call: it doesn't work that way anymore. Call it the real world or even growing up. There is no more just getting by, no more slacking.

Although I feel badly, it is also true that..
"To be wrong is nothing unless you continue to remember it." -Confucius
I will remember this but only to remind myself that I need give my best, no matter what. I will be sure to remember this tomorrow as I embark on yet another adventure. Wish me luck.



Our failures lead us to the road of success.

Forget Regret

I messed up. I can't go back in time, I can't change the past, so all I can do is learn from it, right? We've all heard the phrase learn from your mistakes.It's completely cliché and absolutely right.

However, what we fail to realize most of the time is that the mistakes we make do not only effect us. Our actions effect everyone around us. Every one makes mistakes. No one is perfect. We're only human. Things are bound to go wrong and every once in a while, we make stupid decisions, some more often than others. I tend to mess up a lot. I learn from it, but if those stupid decisions effect the people I care about, it kills me. I hate knowing that I caused someone pain or worry. I guess that guilt is necessary in order to ensure that I do not make the same mistakes again.

But it would be wrong to wish that some things had never happened, because that's how we learn.

Perhaps certain situations are necessary to each of us. Another cliché saying, "everything happens for a reason." Maybe we find ourselves in certain situations because the lessons we learn from them are valuable to us at the time. They are lessons that need to be learned, things we should know. And maybe these lessons save us from an even greater mistake.

Experiences, good or bad, make us who we are and influence the people we become. It's how we grow.

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery" -James Joyce