Even the Wrong Words Seem to Rhyme

Life is funny sometimes. We see others, at their best and worst, and we tell ourselves that we will never be "that girl", "that guy" or "that person". We claim to not be judgmental, but let's get real, we all do it. And before we know it, we find ourselves becoming the person we despised, the person we swore we'd never be.

Sometimes we find ourselves fighting for the things that don't seem to be worth the struggle to anyone else. Other times, we find ourselves trying to ignore the obvious, simply because it conflicts with the perfect vision playing in our heads. We do irrational things that we didn't know we were capable of. In the process, we end up surprising ourselves, but in the end, we realize our worth.

Just as it's not fair to ignore the bad in a person for the good, it also isn't fair to ignore the good because of a few bad decisions. When you spend time with a person, talk to them, get to know them, you get a feel for who they are and what they stand for. You realize how much they could possibly mean to you and whether that's worth putting up with their worst.

They say that when mistakes are repeated, they are no longer considered mistakes but rather a reflection of character; I beg to differ. Some things take longer to set in, and repetition can do the trick. Certain repercussions seem to be more clear the second time around. And when they are repeated, they can no longer be ignored.

Most people end up living in regret- regretting all bad choices and wrong decisions, over-analyzing everything that could have been done differently. But the bad choices only lead to better ones. They help us grow, learn and become better versions of ourselves.

"If you've never fallen, you will never know what it's like to get up."

Beyond Your Form

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of forgiveness. What's more difficult, seeking forgiveness from the ones you care about or finding the ability to forgive yourself?

In the past, I believed that letting loved ones down was the worst feeling. Although it's definitely at the top of the list, I've realized that unless you are able to forgive yourself, forgiveness from others cannot lead to redemption.

So where exactly is the road to redemption? Can it be found with deep prayer, spending time volunteering at a shelter, a good, sweaty workout or a much-needed heart to heart with some dear friends? Or perhaps a powerful combination of it all. Everyone has different things that work for them, but the only way to move on is to find yourself again. Your true self. Your ideal self. Remind yourself of the person you want to be and work to lift yourself up yet again.

Just as it takes effort to progress and become the person you want to be, it takes effort to gain everything you may desire. Much too often, we convince ourselves that if certain things are meant to be, they'll happen. Sometimes the idea of fate or destiny can serve as a sign of hope but other times, they can just be a display of laziness. If you are able to wait for it to come to you, whether this is due to pride or circumstance, you probably don't want it bad enough. This could also be biased, because I'm beyond impatient and waiting around for something to happen drives me crazy. I feel that if you want something bad enough, you'll go out and make it happen.

I live my life in extremes. And as someone who tends to live their day-to-day life nonchalantly, it takes something or someone remarkable to ignite that passion within me. Only because the passion exists; it's just difficult to display it to the whole world constantly.

And as I found someone who seemed to be worth the effort, I kept wondering why so many things keep getting in the way. And I can't help but think it's some sort of practical joke. Life switching around the roles, making me play the field, either to teach me what it feels like to be on the other side of the table or simply helping me realize that this one might be a keeper, this one just might be it.

Then again, there's only so much one person can do. So where's the fine line between showing effort and trying too hard? Yet another question that I'm currently struggling with. Not because I'm extremely invested in the situation, but because I'm not used to being invested at all. Since I've somehow been able to put myself out there and show effort, I'm forced to believe that this must be the real thing. If you want it bad enough, you'll work for it; but at some point, you have to let go for your own sanity. It can't always be all up to you; sometimes handing the power over to someone else proves to be necessary.

"We all have our nights though, don't be so ashamed. I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know. You've seen all my mistakes, so look me in my eyes."

Speaking of mistakes, I think we all do a remarkable job of making mistakes without the help of vicious rumors, hurtful instigation or false embellishment. However, the people that genuinely care will approach you to hear your side of the story. As for the rest, they would have been a waste of breath anyway. At the end of the day, people will believe what they want, but it just goes to show who was on your side to begin with.

"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."

Pulling Apart, Falling Together

The past couple of days have been eye-opening, to say the least. Things are finally starting to somewhat fall into place, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Everything has been all over the place recently, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, everything. Honestly, I don't think I was much of myself. I haven't updated in over a month, for one. If I'm not writing, I'm definitely not myself. However, I am now revived with a fresh new perspective.

I'm a strong believer in the whole "everything happens for a reason" concept, which is evident in most of my posts. As outrageous as the idea may seem to many, life keeps leading me to believe there is some truth in it. Some unexpected events opened my eyes to new opportunities, how much more proof do I need?

An unexpected encounter also lead me to realize what I deserve and what I have been settling for instead. I had one of those "what the fuck was I thinking" moments. I tend to have a lot of those. But I'm thankful for them because I'm either coming to my senses or growing and moving on, both of which are positive.

This transition couldn't have come at a better time either since I celebrated Navroz, the Persian new year, on Monday. I was able to start off the year on the perfect note.

I couldn't be happier or more excited, not for anything in particular, but just for the opportunities I have ahead of me. For knowing what I'm capable of, what I deserve, and being a step closer to it.

We all make mistakes, we've all done things we're not proud of, and it's only a matter of time before the repetition of these mistakes eventually turns into your character. It's only a matter of time before the secrets are let out. However, it's all a matter of choice. The way you put yourself out there is the way people will see and treat you. But at the end of the day, it's about realizing that you're better than that and moving forward.





These recent realizations also somehow helped me let go of a lot of old, lagging baggage. One day you wake up, and you realize that you're over it. I'm not referring to one thing/person/situation in particular, but everything in general. And once you let go, it honestly gives you a whole new sense of peace and freedom within yourself.



On a completely different note, I recently saw the cutest little book at Francesca's, which also has most adorable clothes and accessories. It was a huge sticky note pad with random quotes and sayings. Pretty much the perfect thing to make anyone's day, loved one, friend, or even a stranger. I didn't buy it, but I'd like to make one of my own, and make someone's day, everyday. It just might be my new thing.

Lost the Love I Loved the Most

Angry, upset, disappointed. Some of the worst feelings, all at once.




I'm an optimist. I haven't had the perfect life, trust me, but somehow I've managed to make the best out of the situations I have found myself in. Similarly, I also tend to find the good in people. I manage to trust most people, even the ones that don't deserve it. In the end, trust yourself, and only yourself. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, most people are merely looking out for themselves. Everyone has their own motives. You are responsible for your actions and decisions; you're the one that will have to live with the consequences. No one else. It's really easy to blame everyone except yourself and find excuses in an attempt to justify yourself. It's even easier to completely avoid the situation as a whole, but it's when you are able to take responsibility for what happened that you can truly be respected.

Also, it's important to reconsider the positions of those select few who are placed on pedestals. Those people that can never do wrong. The ones that are not capable of causing harm. The ones that would never do anything to hurt you. Don't forget, they are human, after all. Even they are capable of making mistakes, all of which are not worthy of forgiveness.





In the end, it's not about what you do. What's more important is how you handle yourself after the fact. Believe it or not, that makes all the difference.



"May the bridges I burn light the way."