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Back on Defense

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. There are certain things we excel at, whether it's a sport, an activity or simply a characteristic which shines just a little bit brighter than the rest. Similarly, we all have our shortcomings, things that we could be just a little bit better at. It might even be a person. This is natural, normal and expected. But what happens when your strength is the same as your weakness? What if the remarkable characteristic that distinguishes you from the crowd is the very reason for your downfall?

How is it that the very thing you love can transform into the thing you begin to despise? Is it a matter of allotment? Perhaps, we can only tolerate things within limitations, good or bad. After all, it doesn't take long for too much of anything good to turn bad. We begin to take the good for granted. We forget that things could be worse. We forget to appreciate.

However, is it fair to expect yourself or another to restrain, to obstruct themselves? Who is to determine the fine line between good and bad or between too much or too little? And even if someone is willing to hold themselves back and give you what you want, it's simply unfair to ask someone to hold their thoughts back, to hold their abilities back and ultimately, to hold themselves back.

Perhaps, these extremes are necessary in order for us to determine what it is that we seek. Everything seems tolerable within limits, but having to ability to bear something in an extreme can be a struggle. Maybe, life just likes to challenge us with severe versions and cases of the things we chase in order for us to ensure our desires. Many things seem attractive on paper, perhaps due to the direct opposition to the things we dislike or are used to or maybe it's simply the overall idea of it, but experiencing them can lead to a completely different view.


Until the Stars Look Big

Caring for another and putting in effort to see them smile, make them happy, show them that you care. It seems simple enough, yet it can be one of the toughest things to do. Why? Perhaps it's the fear that your actions won't be reciprocated. Maybe it's the desire to have more power in the relationship. Or it just might be the misconception that if we refuse to show our sentiment, it will magically disappear.

I feel that there's a significant difference between caring about someone and caring for someone. Most of us, I hope, care about everyone we know, from family to acquaintances and maybe even strangers. We would be willing to help anyone in need as long as we have the necessary means to do so. However, truly caring for someone is a whole different story. It's more than simply being there for someone when some sort of crises arises and help is needed. It's more about going out of your way to do something nice for someone. It's about wanting to take care of them. It's about wanting to lessen their worries and sorrows. Why? Well, just because, just because you can, just because you want to. No reason, just because. 

What is it about those select few that land them in such a coveted position? Do they actually deserve it or are they automatically placed there due to some unbreakable bond or inexplicable connection? Maybe a bit of both. Sometimes, relationships don't have an explanation or reason why; they simply form, and they simply are.

I'm an all or nothing type of person. If I attempt something, I give it my all. Similarly, if I'm invested in someone, truly invested, I'm all in. It becomes difficult for me to hold myself back. However, the truth is that not everyone that is placed on a pedestal deserves it. What if the one you care for isn't able to display their affection? What if your efforts aren't being reciprocated? Do you continue to care because you're just that good of a person or do you stop even if that means succumbing to their carelessness? What if the random acts of kindness are what makes you who you are, and you're unwilling to lose sight of that regardless of others' actions?

That's probably the worst part, having to choose between the little acts of affection that make you who are or holding yourself back because that's what makes sense. While the tide of confusion can be agonizing, with its passing comes unquestionable clarity. If your actions refuse to be reciprocated, you will most likely lose the urge to continue the efforts. It's only natural. By the same token, if the emotions are true and strong, the mind will find a way to rationalize it. Sometimes, it just takes time to find certainty as to where others stand in your life and where you stand in theirs.