Safe Here With Me

Faith, it's what gets us through the day. Whether it's faith in God or some other sort of higher power or faith in yourself, there is something that makes each and every one of us look forward to another day. There's something that helps us get out of bed in the mornings and move on with our lives regardless of the circumstances.

Like most other things in life, faith can be inconsistent. Life-altering events, tragedies and miracles, can either wither our faith or instill it within us stronger than ever before.

As I witnessed a new-found friend's faith in one of his strongest friendships, I couldn't help but wonder when I lost sight of my own. This led me to question some of my own relationships, especially the ones that I have left behind. When did I lose faith in people and relationships? When did I start being satisfied with the idea of letting go and moving on rather than fighting for the ones that matter most?

Is it the pragmatic side of me? People come and go; it's a part of life. Just as there's a reason for them to surface when they do, there must be a reason for their departure as well. Sometimes, people simply grow apart. People seek different things from life and therefore embark on different paths to obtain them. Other times, uncontrollable factors, such as detached emotions and feelings or bad timing and distance, get in the way. It could be a clash of personalities or just an unresolved misunderstanding. Or there might be no apparent reason at all. Sometimes, relationships just fade.

People often lose significance in our lives while others gain it. That's also natural. It doesn't mean we constantly seek replacements. Everyone has their own special place in our hearts, however it's astonishing to witness how quickly things can change. How do we go from speaking to someone on a daily basis to suddenly losing all contact? Similarly, how does a stranger gain the privilege to hear about our thoughts, feelings and experiences as if they have always been a part of the journey? When the person that already knows it all disappears, how do we suddenly gain the courage to start all over with someone new?

It's all about being open to the possibilities. No one can be sure what kind of significance someone can hold in our lives or what they will have the capability of teaching us. However, once they become a part of our lives, it's almost becomes a bit ineffable to realize where we would be without them. Not in the sense that we would not survive without them, but in a more momentary sense. Had this person not entered your life, who would you be talking to at this very moment? Who would you be spending your days with? Who would you be sharing your life with? It's all part of a larger plan. We may not comprehend it in the moment, but looking back, all of the pieces suddenly somehow fall together.

Felt with the Heart

Whether we're in a good mood or a bad mood, whether we feel like we're on top of the world or down in the dumps, we search for someone to share it with. We seek someone to share our joys and sorrows, whether it's a lover or best friend. And I'm guilty of this.

I have a few go-to people of my own, the ones I share everything with. If I make a mistake, they help me fix it. And if I happen to do something right, they help me celebrate. Most of the time, I either need to hear myself vent in order to get my thoughts together or need reassurance that I'm not insane for the things going on inside my head. Although there's nothing wrong with that, since sharing happiness only spreads it and sharing sadness only lessens it, what we often fail to realize is that no one can truly feel what you're feeling.

They often say, "You just had to be there." But the truth is, everyone experiences things in their own way. We all perceive things differently; everything we see and hear is biased by our thoughts, opinions and past experiences.

As far as feelings are concerned, those are even tougher to grasp, out of reach even. You can describe every detail, repeat every spoken word and depict every slight movement or gesture to the one that seems to understand you the most, yet it is impossible for them to identify precisely what occurred during that brief moment in time.

It's often the indescribable details that depict more than words or actions, such as the butterflies in your stomach caused by someone's presence or the pounding of your heart initiated by their gaze. Or the honesty evident on someone's face, the slight glistening in their eyes, the heart-warming smile that makes you melt or the warmth felt by their embrace. Like they say, it's the little things that make the biggest difference.

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

So is it really someone else's place to tell you when to give up or when to keep trying or who's worth the effort and who isn't? Does anyone else truly have the ability to determine what's significant and what isn't? As much as we are all in need of agreement or some sort of consolation, can others really know what's best for you?

Although there's nothing wrong with seeking comfort or advice from the ones we trust, don't let their opinions overpower your own. At the end of the day, you will be the one living with your decisions, no one else.

I have always known what I wanted, and that was beauty...in every form.

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.

Series of Almosts

You can meet someone that has everything you could want in a friend/companion and more, yet if one little thing is off, if one little piece is missing, it ruins the appeal of all other qualities they possess. I'm not saying this is fair in any way, shape, or form, but let's face it, it's reality.

There is always a distinction between the head and the heart, thoughts and feelings. Although I tend to be logical most of the time, granted my imagination and creativity do get the best of me at times, I cannot get myself to ever disregard feelings. To me, if something doesn't feel right, it isn't. Unfortunately, it's not something I have control over. I can't force myself to feel a certain way. There's always that possibility of feelings changing over time, yet nothing is guaranteed.

It's when certain feelings, or lack thereof, hinder other relationships that is truly saddening.

Not only does this apply to people, but also life on a larger scale.

Life is a puzzle. All of the pieces have to fit just right in order to attain happiness. One missing piece leaves it all incomplete.

Incomplete. It's weird, I have been able to achieve a lot recently. I've been super involved, crazy busy and productive. I've met many of the goals that I had set for myself, yet there is still something missing. Somehow, that one missing piece takes away from the many pieces that I have worked hard to acquire.

Going back to people, as frustrating as it can be to be on different pages with someone, it's just as relieving to realize that your feelings toward someone are mutual and to see your actions reciprocated.

Some possibilities seem to be within reach. The only problem is, when something goes really well, everything else seems to go downhill, in my life at least. I can hope that this is the exception and it's finally time that all the pieces fall together, yet I can't help but think destruction is inevitable. Is the one missing piece really worth losing all the others? Only time will tell, and my impatience is not helping.

A Little Sunshine

As I went for a swim this afternoon in my neighborhood pool, I finally spoke to someone I often see. We usually just exchange friendly smiles and casual hellos. As we began talking today, she realized that we often see each other at the gym and responded, "Oh, you're the runner." Trust me, I'm far from a "runner" but I am getting there.

My point? It suddenly hit me that every action really does make more of an impact than we think. Sometimes, we do things that are out of the ordinary, things that aren't true to our character, things that aren't "us". At times they are positive and other times negative. We can rationalize the negative decisions by assuring ourselves that it was just a one-time thing. But what about that person that only knows us from seeing us at that one moment?

That's the impact you made on that person. That is how they will think of you. That is how they will remember you. If someone only sees me running at the gym, they will think of me as a runner. Likewise, if someone only sees me at the library studying, they will probably think I'm a nerd. It's all about context; not everyone knows the whole story.

It's true that every action has a reaction. It's also true that every action makes an impact, whether we realize it or not. It's just the severity of the impact that varies.

I failed to mention earlier that my new friend is significantly older. Surprisingly, I was intrigued by her stories rather than bored. She has been through a lot, to say the least, and yet she is still open to new opportunities. Inspiring, right? There is so much that I have managed to convince myself wasn't meant for me, not right now at least. But that's the wrong mindset. It's important to be open to the possibilities and welcome the opportunities as they arise with open arms. It's the only way to experience, feel, live.

What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does.

All Smiles

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until the day they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." -Anais Nin



I've always been against the idea of letting others affect how I feel. Simply because I don't like giving others the ability, the power to get me down.

However, as irrational as this may sound, giving others that power can actually help you learn more about yourself. It gives us the opportunity to grow. We could experience something we thought we never would, feel something we thought we were incapable of, or even find something that we thought wasn't meant for us. Granted the experience could be negative, it still shows us that we are capable of more, or less, than we assume.

We often underestimate ourselves or simply comply with the idea that some things aren't meant for us. Sometimes, we need someone to show us how untrue that can be.

"It's the rule of life: everything you've always waited for comes the very second you stop looking for it."

Friends Forever or Friends For Now?

My life has changed drastically over the past couple of years. I've learned a lot, matured, and grown up. The sad part is, many of the people that I thought would be in my life forever, or at least for a very long time, no longer are. We're all constantly changing, so it seems utterly impossible to expect others to keep up. There are certain friends that will be by your side throughout your life, and I have been lucky enough to find a couple of those. I guess those are the ones that are changing and growing with me, while others either get stuck or move toward the opposite direction.

Are we just supposed to accept that things change and let go or should we try to keep them in our lives?

I recently spent time with a couple of friends who I went from seeing almost every single day to not seeing at all for about a year. I used to consider them some of my best friends until the drama kicked in. I figured we would eventually fix things, but it never happened. When I hung out with them recently, it was nice. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were, but it's nice to be cool again, to be able to hang out, and just talk. There's always a certain comfort level you have with some people, no matter what happens. At the same time, trying to rekindle friendships can go very wrong. Sometimes, things are just weird and awkward, and you realize that it's not easy to forget everything that happened.

I guess everyone isn't worth the effort. There are certain people that we just need to let go of, while there are others that we need to keep around. The difficult part is knowing which one is which.



Speaking of friendship, a really good friend of mine basically made my day by telling me what she thinks about me as a person. I try to the best person I can be, and if I can make the slightest difference in someone's life, that means the world to me.

"Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives that we touch" -Remember Me