Wrecking and Ruining

As people, we're always evolving. They say that life isn't about finding yourself, but rather creating yourself. But what happens when you start losing sight of yourself?

You know who you are. You know your desires, passions, hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes. You know yourself. Yet, your decisions are no longer a reflection of your personality. When your actions no longer reflect your values and beliefs. When you lose connection with the people and things that once mattered most. When you just don't feel the way you once did. Yet you continue to fulfill your daily responsibilities, so you fail to see it happening.

It's almost like walking around broken, living life halfway, yet no one can see it. Only the closest dear ones can sense the change, yet only you can fix it.

Such drastic changes usually occur after a traumatizing event. But what if it suddenly catches up to you years later? Could it have been the stress of everything? Or rather the pressure of always holding it together? Perhaps it was the unresolved issues from the past resurfacing.

Either way, change is necessary. Here's to returning priority to the people and things that matter and avoiding the harmful.

Everything in Life is Gray, You Know

Things aren't always black or white. They aren't always right or wrong. There isn't always an evident answer; there is always that gray area. What we fail to realize is that people work the same way. As we are complex, so are our thoughts and feelings. So half the time we spend just trying to figure out how we feel or what exactly we think instead of realizing that there is rarely ever a clear-cut answer. Sometimes it's difficult, impossible even, to put a name onto these feelings. They are not always meant to be expressed into words.



It's okay to have mixed feelings or a combination of thoughts. However, things start getting a little messy when the feelings begin to conflict one another or when the combination of thoughts is simply irrational. Love and hate or annoyance and admiration for example, two opposing extremes, yet we find ourselves loving and hating something or getting annoyed by yet admiring them at the same time.

They say that the people we dislike most are usually the ones that remind us of ourselves, of our flaws. That's not always the case, but it seems to be true quite often. Other times, negative feelings arise from our own insecurities. When such negative feelings are directed toward us, it's okay to be a little sympathetic. It's important to still be ourselves and not let it be an excuse to act like anything less.

And then then there are times when find ourselves with extremely positive and extremely negative feelings toward one person all together. I can't help but think even the most extreme negative feelings must stem from some kind of passion. With time, one feeling will most likely overpower the other, but then again, who wants to wait for things to unfold? Especially when you find keep finding yourself in the same position weeks, months, or even years later.