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Felt with the Heart

Whether we're in a good mood or a bad mood, whether we feel like we're on top of the world or down in the dumps, we search for someone to share it with. We seek someone to share our joys and sorrows, whether it's a lover or best friend. And I'm guilty of this.

I have a few go-to people of my own, the ones I share everything with. If I make a mistake, they help me fix it. And if I happen to do something right, they help me celebrate. Most of the time, I either need to hear myself vent in order to get my thoughts together or need reassurance that I'm not insane for the things going on inside my head. Although there's nothing wrong with that, since sharing happiness only spreads it and sharing sadness only lessens it, what we often fail to realize is that no one can truly feel what you're feeling.

They often say, "You just had to be there." But the truth is, everyone experiences things in their own way. We all perceive things differently; everything we see and hear is biased by our thoughts, opinions and past experiences.

As far as feelings are concerned, those are even tougher to grasp, out of reach even. You can describe every detail, repeat every spoken word and depict every slight movement or gesture to the one that seems to understand you the most, yet it is impossible for them to identify precisely what occurred during that brief moment in time.

It's often the indescribable details that depict more than words or actions, such as the butterflies in your stomach caused by someone's presence or the pounding of your heart initiated by their gaze. Or the honesty evident on someone's face, the slight glistening in their eyes, the heart-warming smile that makes you melt or the warmth felt by their embrace. Like they say, it's the little things that make the biggest difference.

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

So is it really someone else's place to tell you when to give up or when to keep trying or who's worth the effort and who isn't? Does anyone else truly have the ability to determine what's significant and what isn't? As much as we are all in need of agreement or some sort of consolation, can others really know what's best for you?

Although there's nothing wrong with seeking comfort or advice from the ones we trust, don't let their opinions overpower your own. At the end of the day, you will be the one living with your decisions, no one else.

I have always known what I wanted, and that was every form.

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.


Beyond Your Form

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of forgiveness. What's more difficult, seeking forgiveness from the ones you care about or finding the ability to forgive yourself?

In the past, I believed that letting loved ones down was the worst feeling. Although it's definitely at the top of the list, I've realized that unless you are able to forgive yourself, forgiveness from others cannot lead to redemption.

So where exactly is the road to redemption? Can it be found with deep prayer, spending time volunteering at a shelter, a good, sweaty workout or a much-needed heart to heart with some dear friends? Or perhaps a powerful combination of it all. Everyone has different things that work for them, but the only way to move on is to find yourself again. Your true self. Your ideal self. Remind yourself of the person you want to be and work to lift yourself up yet again.

Just as it takes effort to progress and become the person you want to be, it takes effort to gain everything you may desire. Much too often, we convince ourselves that if certain things are meant to be, they'll happen. Sometimes the idea of fate or destiny can serve as a sign of hope but other times, they can just be a display of laziness. If you are able to wait for it to come to you, whether this is due to pride or circumstance, you probably don't want it bad enough. This could also be biased, because I'm beyond impatient and waiting around for something to happen drives me crazy. I feel that if you want something bad enough, you'll go out and make it happen.

I live my life in extremes. And as someone who tends to live their day-to-day life nonchalantly, it takes something or someone remarkable to ignite that passion within me. Only because the passion exists; it's just difficult to display it to the whole world constantly.

And as I found someone who seemed to be worth the effort, I kept wondering why so many things keep getting in the way. And I can't help but think it's some sort of practical joke. Life switching around the roles, making me play the field, either to teach me what it feels like to be on the other side of the table or simply helping me realize that this one might be a keeper, this one just might be it.

Then again, there's only so much one person can do. So where's the fine line between showing effort and trying too hard? Yet another question that I'm currently struggling with. Not because I'm extremely invested in the situation, but because I'm not used to being invested at all. Since I've somehow been able to put myself out there and show effort, I'm forced to believe that this must be the real thing. If you want it bad enough, you'll work for it; but at some point, you have to let go for your own sanity. It can't always be all up to you; sometimes handing the power over to someone else proves to be necessary.

"We all have our nights though, don't be so ashamed. I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know. You've seen all my mistakes, so look me in my eyes."

Speaking of mistakes, I think we all do a remarkable job of making mistakes without the help of vicious rumors, hurtful instigation or false embellishment. However, the people that genuinely care will approach you to hear your side of the story. As for the rest, they would have been a waste of breath anyway. At the end of the day, people will believe what they want, but it just goes to show who was on your side to begin with.

"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."