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Beauty in the Breakdown

Faith. It's what gets us through life, whether it's faith in ourselves or others. Either way, it is gained from what we see, what we experience. Although we see fucked up relationships that are doomed from the start, there is always that one couple that assures us that true love does exist. Although we have dealt with back-stabbers and two-faced bitches, we have had that one friend that we could always turn to, no matter what. The friendships that make us believe that relationships, platonic or not, can last through time. It is possible to grow with someone rather than grow apart.

Even though it's perfectly fine, normal even, to gain faith through these people that give us hope, what if even that one relationship goes awry? Whether it's the person you have been on and off with for years or your absolute best friend.

Whether things work out and go back to normal or not, one should always be able to find faith in themselves.

Where does that hope arise from? Possibly our self-esteem and confidence. As much as we'd like to think that we're content with ourselves, there is always that one little thing we want to change. We see one beautiful person walk by, and just for moment, we wish that we looked like them, that we were them. And if that's not the case, if you are honestly, truly content with yourself, imagine if you no longer had that one feature you love about yourself. What if your perfect skin suddenly got break-outs? What if your cosmetologist messed up your perfectly arched eyebrows? What if you suddenly lost inches of your long, silky hair?

"Confidence is key. Sometimes, you need to look like you're confident even when you're not." -Vanessa Hudgens

I recently decided to chop off my hair. I've gone through many changes with my hair these past few years. I went from extremely long to short to bob to shorter bob, and now, I somehow managed to go even shorter. I didn't think it would be a drastic change since my hair was already short, and I had become accustomed to it. However, I suddenly found myself feeling insecure, a feeling I haven't experienced in quite some time. Recently, I've been content with myself. But suddenly, with this haircut, I have found myself second-guessing those ancient insecurities. I no longer have anything to hide behind. I am out there for the world to see, flaws and insecurities included.

Yet, I don't regret it. I chose to do this. I feel like there is some kind of a race to change. I would rather make changes myself, willingly, than to have life spring something unexpected onto me. I get bored, and I need something different at all times. I like to put myself outside of my comfort zone so I can grow and progress.

"Don't be afraid of change. You may lose something good, but you may gain something better."

I might not have someone to constantly have faith in at all times and I might sometimes second guess my faith and confidence in myself, but at the end of the day, if I am making positive changes and decisions, I think I'll be alright.

"Acceptance of one's self is the first step to real beauty."

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