A Little Sunshine

As I went for a swim this afternoon in my neighborhood pool, I finally spoke to someone I often see. We usually just exchange friendly smiles and casual hellos. As we began talking today, she realized that we often see each other at the gym and responded, "Oh, you're the runner." Trust me, I'm far from a "runner" but I am getting there.

My point? It suddenly hit me that every action really does make more of an impact than we think. Sometimes, we do things that are out of the ordinary, things that aren't true to our character, things that aren't "us". At times they are positive and other times negative. We can rationalize the negative decisions by assuring ourselves that it was just a one-time thing. But what about that person that only knows us from seeing us at that one moment?

That's the impact you made on that person. That is how they will think of you. That is how they will remember you. If someone only sees me running at the gym, they will think of me as a runner. Likewise, if someone only sees me at the library studying, they will probably think I'm a nerd. It's all about context; not everyone knows the whole story.

It's true that every action has a reaction. It's also true that every action makes an impact, whether we realize it or not. It's just the severity of the impact that varies.

I failed to mention earlier that my new friend is significantly older. Surprisingly, I was intrigued by her stories rather than bored. She has been through a lot, to say the least, and yet she is still open to new opportunities. Inspiring, right? There is so much that I have managed to convince myself wasn't meant for me, not right now at least. But that's the wrong mindset. It's important to be open to the possibilities and welcome the opportunities as they arise with open arms. It's the only way to experience, feel, live.

What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does.

Beauty in the Breakdown

Faith. It's what gets us through life, whether it's faith in ourselves or others. Either way, it is gained from what we see, what we experience. Although we see fucked up relationships that are doomed from the start, there is always that one couple that assures us that true love does exist. Although we have dealt with back-stabbers and two-faced bitches, we have had that one friend that we could always turn to, no matter what. The friendships that make us believe that relationships, platonic or not, can last through time. It is possible to grow with someone rather than grow apart.

Even though it's perfectly fine, normal even, to gain faith through these people that give us hope, what if even that one relationship goes awry? Whether it's the person you have been on and off with for years or your absolute best friend.

Whether things work out and go back to normal or not, one should always be able to find faith in themselves.

Where does that hope arise from? Possibly our self-esteem and confidence. As much as we'd like to think that we're content with ourselves, there is always that one little thing we want to change. We see one beautiful person walk by, and just for moment, we wish that we looked like them, that we were them. And if that's not the case, if you are honestly, truly content with yourself, imagine if you no longer had that one feature you love about yourself. What if your perfect skin suddenly got break-outs? What if your cosmetologist messed up your perfectly arched eyebrows? What if you suddenly lost inches of your long, silky hair?

"Confidence is key. Sometimes, you need to look like you're confident even when you're not." -Vanessa Hudgens

I recently decided to chop off my hair. I've gone through many changes with my hair these past few years. I went from extremely long to short to bob to shorter bob, and now, I somehow managed to go even shorter. I didn't think it would be a drastic change since my hair was already short, and I had become accustomed to it. However, I suddenly found myself feeling insecure, a feeling I haven't experienced in quite some time. Recently, I've been content with myself. But suddenly, with this haircut, I have found myself second-guessing those ancient insecurities. I no longer have anything to hide behind. I am out there for the world to see, flaws and insecurities included.

Yet, I don't regret it. I chose to do this. I feel like there is some kind of a race to change. I would rather make changes myself, willingly, than to have life spring something unexpected onto me. I get bored, and I need something different at all times. I like to put myself outside of my comfort zone so I can grow and progress.

"Don't be afraid of change. You may lose something good, but you may gain something better."

I might not have someone to constantly have faith in at all times and I might sometimes second guess my faith and confidence in myself, but at the end of the day, if I am making positive changes and decisions, I think I'll be alright.

"Acceptance of one's self is the first step to real beauty."