A Song Only You Can Hear

I've always been fascinated with the idea of time. How it has the ability to heal certain wounds and not others. How does so much change with time yet nothing really changes at all? How is it that in certain cases, even a lifetime couldn't be enough yet in other situations, a single moment can change it all?

How can just a few days with someone be nearly enough to lower the guard you have put up for years? How can a few moments of honesty suddenly vanquish the wall that was made sturdier day by day? How can one moment transform an entire relationship, transform it into something you've always been against and it suddenly seem alright. The worries and hesitancies suddenly disappear and for once, you actually find yourself living in the moment. You find yourself enjoying your days rather than stressing about the upcoming consequences. Your rational self is unexpectedly being spontaneous and rather than thinking everything through, all you can do is feel your emotions. It's like some kind of movie, because this just can't be real life.

And just like that, in only a matter of days, hours, moments, things suddenly go back to normal. Things go back to the way they've always been, but it will never quite be the same; you will never quite be the same.

The movie's over, and all you can do is relive it through all of the wonderful memories.

"The suffering that might come from a mistake is usually less intense and less enduring than the suffering of wondering what could have been."

Yearning to Be Heard

Everything I write is just a fraction of the countless words that are constantly running through my head at any given moment. Sometimes, I wish I had all the time in the world just to release them in a more concrete way. Although writing is the most precise way for me to articulate myself, sometimes you have no other choice but to speak, vent even, and let others know how you feel.

When something is bothering me, when there is an issue or conflict, my first instinct is to talk about it. There is no other way to inform someone about how you feel than to simply tell them. That is also the only way to completely hear the acknowledge the other side, fix things, realize where you stand or even show effort. None of us are mind readers, so it's unfair to assume that any other person can know precisely what you think or how you feel and vice versa without any form of communication.

Agreed that sometimes people and situations need their time and space, too much time can be harmful. If you allow too much time to pass by, is there anything left to discuss? People say that time heals all wounds. Time allows you to move on and in some cases, it can create distance.

One of the main reasons that I have been able to keep up with this blog, other than my love and passion for writing and encouraging followers, is my inability to control my focus. If something is bothering me, it bothers me until I fix it. If there's something I need to say, I will butcher it in my head until I get the opportunity to unleash my words and liberate my thoughts.

Even though this trait usually leads to honesty and conflict resolution, it has a downfall. Communication is a two-way street. If I'm writing, it's so someone will read it. If I'm speaking, I need the other person to listen. Keeping my thoughts to myself isn't always an option but is necessary if others aren't willing to make an effort to hear me out. The frustration attained from the inability to express myself is indescribable. The extent of the distress is able to overpower my mind for days.

They say that actions speak louder than words. However, sometimes hearing what you least wanted to and speaking the most difficult words are necessary. Everything else leaves room for interpretation, room for the possibility that things could be different. And sometimes, the lack of actions speak even louder. The silence can sometimes be just as powerful as the words yearning to be heard.

Pulling Apart, Falling Together

The past couple of days have been eye-opening, to say the least. Things are finally starting to somewhat fall into place, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Everything has been all over the place recently, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, everything. Honestly, I don't think I was much of myself. I haven't updated in over a month, for one. If I'm not writing, I'm definitely not myself. However, I am now revived with a fresh new perspective.

I'm a strong believer in the whole "everything happens for a reason" concept, which is evident in most of my posts. As outrageous as the idea may seem to many, life keeps leading me to believe there is some truth in it. Some unexpected events opened my eyes to new opportunities, how much more proof do I need?

An unexpected encounter also lead me to realize what I deserve and what I have been settling for instead. I had one of those "what the fuck was I thinking" moments. I tend to have a lot of those. But I'm thankful for them because I'm either coming to my senses or growing and moving on, both of which are positive.

This transition couldn't have come at a better time either since I celebrated Navroz, the Persian new year, on Monday. I was able to start off the year on the perfect note.

I couldn't be happier or more excited, not for anything in particular, but just for the opportunities I have ahead of me. For knowing what I'm capable of, what I deserve, and being a step closer to it.

We all make mistakes, we've all done things we're not proud of, and it's only a matter of time before the repetition of these mistakes eventually turns into your character. It's only a matter of time before the secrets are let out. However, it's all a matter of choice. The way you put yourself out there is the way people will see and treat you. But at the end of the day, it's about realizing that you're better than that and moving forward.





These recent realizations also somehow helped me let go of a lot of old, lagging baggage. One day you wake up, and you realize that you're over it. I'm not referring to one thing/person/situation in particular, but everything in general. And once you let go, it honestly gives you a whole new sense of peace and freedom within yourself.



On a completely different note, I recently saw the cutest little book at Francesca's, which also has most adorable clothes and accessories. It was a huge sticky note pad with random quotes and sayings. Pretty much the perfect thing to make anyone's day, loved one, friend, or even a stranger. I didn't buy it, but I'd like to make one of my own, and make someone's day, everyday. It just might be my new thing.